In November of 1981, I was born to drug addict parents. Having being rushed into the hospital as an infant with severe head injuries, seizures & a high fever; I was placed under the care of Detroit’s CPS agency.
At the age of 2, I was placed in the care of an elderly woman with a house full of children. Some were hers, the rest of us were adopted. As I got a little more older, there were chains & locks on all the fridge & freezer in the home. There were bars on every windows, front & back door of the home. I felt like I lived in a cage.
The only language in the home were curse words. All kinds of activities were going on in the home such as sex, drugs, alcohol, fighting, etc. I started to feel unsafe & frightened of living there. The adoptive lady’s nephew began molesting me for some time (they knew all along, and did nothing). The adoptive lady began beating me with bricks, wooden objects, burn me, and would call me stupid, dumb, deaf, and teased my hearing & speech impairment.
The abuse from the household members followed suit. I couldn’t take anymore after the adoptive lady stabbed me. The back door was unlocked so the trash could be taken out. I fought back & took off running out the back door. I ran ten blocks, past the pimps & drug dealers, and finally made it to a classmate’s home.
I was then placed BACK in the adoptive lady’s home three times after running away. The last time I was taken from her care, I immediately went to the principal of my school that morning.
I was so scared for my life each time the judge sent me back to her home. Once I was placed in an all girls youth home, I filed a lawsuit against the adoptive lady. They had enough evidence to remove me permanently & she lost her adoption license. The other kids remained in the home.
From the age of 12-16, I battled with PTSD, severe depression, and more than 10+ suicide attempts in every youth home & foster care I was placed in. I felt unloved, I felt so alone, I felt so cold, felt so ashamed of being hearing impaired & had built up anger inside. Saw many therapists & was off and on different medicines for most of my teenage life. Fortunately, I graduated from high school & was shipped off to college 3 hours from Detroit.
I had a boyfriend who was my high school sweetheart of 5 years until I caught him cheating with our classmate. I remember his excuse was, “I’m a man, I have needs.” That was my first heartbreak especially being that I lost my virginity to him. My first three years of college was full of partying, sex, liquor, and failed grades. I was financially suspended from college and moved back to Detroit homeless. Couldn’t find a job due to most of them discriminating me because of my “disability.”
I lived in a homeless shelter for young women for two months until I moved into my own apartment. I felt so free, but it was a start to an independent life. I started looking for love in all the wrong places (lesbian organizations & cliques). I didn’t care about myself, didn’t respect myself, and definitely did not love myself.
I started lusting & being intimate with different women, & prostituting self to a few men to make ends meet. In 2005, I moved out of Detroit for a better chance at life. I was having the time of my life moving state to state, partying, having sex with females, and met my first girlfriend in Texas. I moved from VA to TX via Greyhound bus in two days.
My last two lesbian relationships were very abusive. Two domestic abuse relationships with females but 0 with males. Hmm, something ain’t right. My second & last lesbian relationship was when I had a total breakdown. I lost EVERYTHING (self, car, job, friends, etc.) I resorted to a local church nearby to help me turn my life over to God. Pastor Clint Dobson was helping me to do right, but I was distracted by lesbians & things of the world.
The day I found out that he was MURDERED, I LOST it! Oh, man…I was in complete SHOCK! This was the man (church) helping me with food, electricity, rides, a bed, and he was MURDERED! I struggled with finding myself by indulging in hard liquor, sex with females, excessive marijuana use, suicide attempts, & everything of the like.
It wasn’t until I moved into my new place this year that things began to look up for me. I started reading into the Word, researching on Google how to turn my life over to God, and I met two of my neighbors who just so happened to be Christians. We started doing bible studies & I was intrigued. During the second bible study, we did the prayer of accepting Jesus Christ as my Savior. They were very happy & jumping up and down. However, I wanted more TRUTH. I began praying more, and began to read the Word more.
The more I read, the more I prayed, the more I do fellowship with other Christians, I felt more & more alive. Granted, I have been through so much to the point where I always thought of myself as a victim. I have always wore baggy clothes because of the males I was afraid of. I looked for love in the wrong places & people, but love was God all along. I could never trust anyone, yet wore my heart on my sleeves. I gave up & sought God…
This is my testimony. I’m still standing, by the grace of God. Glory to God!